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Bullying Cyber Bullying |
What should parents do if they find out their child is bullying?
Many parents are shocked and have trouble believing that their child is bullying. It is important to remember that bullying typically occurs in a group and in front of peers, and children and adolescents can get caught up in the moment. Other parents may already have concerns about their child’s dominant or aggressive behaviour at home. Parents of children who bully need to establish guidelines for what is acceptable/unacceptable behaviour, and follow through with consequences that help the child understand how it feels to be bullied. An example would be, the child has to stay home over the weekend and during that time has to write an apology letter to the person they bullied. The child or adolescent who is bullying needs to know that his or her parents, teachers, and other responsible adults are aware of the problem and will be monitoring the situation closely.
What should kids do if they are being bullied/What advice should we give to our kids?
If it’s hard for a child to stand up for themselves they should ignore the bullying, walk away, and tell someone who can help, such as an older student, friend, coach, teacher or parent. If they feel comfortable and safe standing up for themselves, they should remain calm and assertive. They should let the other person know that what he or she is doing is bullying and it is not OK, and if it happens again they will report it. They should not use aggression in return, as this tends to escalate the problems.
What do you do at blueballoon to help aggressors, victims, and parents?
The blueballoon psychology team is uniquely qualified to offer support to parents struggling with bullying problems, whether their child is bullying others, or being victimized by bullying. We understand that bullying is a family problem. We address all relevant factors, including the child’s school system and peer group and collaborating with key players at the child’s school. We educate parents to enable them to effectively advocate for their child in the school system, and we provide individual counseling/coaching to help children with healthy social skills: skills that will help stop bullying.
What warning signs should parents be looking for in teens, how can we prevent tragedy?
A really big indicator is children who don’t want to go to school. Look for big changes in the child. Were they previously engaged in social activities and are now withdrawn? If your child has recently had a falling out with a group of friends, this may be a sign. Good communication is the key, and keeping the conversation going. At the beginning of a school year, check in with kids, tell them you really care about their relationships at school, and you’d like to know if anything is bothering them. Be involved and continue to ask them about school life and relationships throughout the year.
What is your view on harsh punishments, such as expulsion from school, of children or youth who bully?
I really endorse the idea of progressive discipline, which is part of the new Ontario legislation. This means the that the initial response to bullying behaviour is to provide education to promote understanding about the impact of bullying behaviour, and an appreciation that everyone has the human right to dignity and safety. If there are repeated incidents of bullying, students need counseling and support to enable them to use healthier ways to relate to others and to exercise leadership. They need to know they will be watched closely by teachers, who will also check-in regularly with the student who was victimized. If bullying behaviour continues, time-limited sanctions should be imposed to reduce opportunities to socialize with (and bully) peers, for example, by removing free time during lunch, participation in an extracurricular activity or sport team, or being required to stay late after school. When a pattern of bullying is quickly identified and addressed by responsible adults at school, using the progression I have described, bullying behaviour most likely will stop. In the rare cases that it does not, suspensions (temporary removal from school) and then expulsion (final removal) should be imposed, in order to ensure safety for the school community.
Expulsion is truly a tragedy for a young person. Adolescents need healthy peer groups in order to have healthy relationships, and healthy relationships are essential to healthy development. Expelled students end up in alternative programs until they age-out of required schooling, and despite the very best efforts of their educators and counselors, research tells us that grouping aggressive adolescents together tends to do more harm than good – that’s why it’s important for us to focus on progressive discipline and prevention.
What types of education and interventions should be done with children to prevent bullying?
We really need to begin at an early age, as early as preschool, when children start coming together in groups. Parents, teachers, and daycare providers should talk to kids about what is fair, what is just, and how they would like to be treated. Kids are never too young to learn the Golden Rule. It sets a foundation for children to learn that it’s their right to be treated fairly and it’s their responsibility to treat others with respect. When this doesn’t happen that’s bullying.